Last night I had my first class A drugs experience. You may or may not know that I smoke weed, fairly regularly, but up until last night that was all I had done.
My housemate's friends came to visit and stay the night. At one point they came into my room and asked how I felt about drugs. I was confused and they explained that they had some cocaine and they wanted to check I didn't mind them doing it in the house. I said sure, because I don't mind what other people do is up to them. Anyway we got talking about it and they asked if I wanted some. I had a long think and a chat with my housemate who basically explained all the effects good and potentially bad and reassured me there was no pressure if I didn't want to. In the end I decided I wanted to try a little bit because I was curious but kind of scared. So I did. And not a lot happened, it just felt... sort of... nice. It's very hard to explain. I was expecting something earth-shatteringly drastic to happen as soon as I touched it but it was a very subtle change. I just felt...happier really. Calmer, less self-concious, more comfortable. So I did some more and had a good night.
I felt fine this morning, it's crazy really, if I'd been drinking I would have felt like shit but a class A drug and I felt perfectly normal. Although my nose did run excessively all the way to uni...
I've told a few people and it's strange to see how they react. Some I thought would freak out and they were fine with it and those I thought would be a little worried but ok went mental at me. I don't see it as a major thing really, I felt completely in control of what I was doing and if I'd felt things were going wrong or if I'd felt it was starting to affect me badly I would have stopped straight away.
As I said before the effect wasn't massive, I felt almost normal and I'm in no rush to do it again. I won't say never but I certainly won't be buying any. It's most definately far too expensive and overrated.
But yeah... there we go, the most illegal thing I've ever done. Quite an experience really, something I never thought I would do. But then again I'm the kind of person who wants to try things. I get curious. It's how I ended up smoking cigarettes and how I ended up trying weed so it's not all too suprising. Just cocaine never crossed my mind as a drug I would come across and want to do. I always thought maybe LSD, shrooms... something like that, I know people who dabble with that kind of thing but hey, life surprises you.
So, as I said before I'm not condoning drugs, I'm not saying its a good thing to go out and do drugs. I'm saying I decided to try something because I felt it would benefit me and I did it. I am glad I did, I feel like I understand more what it's about, it's not about rich girls in bathrooms at parties or filthy addicts in backalleys there's a lot more to it. And some of the people who take it are really nice, really kind, really interesting, intelligent people who made a bad choice or who just like to let go sometimes, and I think that's good for them.
I also feel good because I've been feeling really stagnant lately. Like my life is the same thing day in, day out, I don't take risks I don't do anything I want to do, everything's about everyone else. But this was pure selfish, reckless indulgence, not that I'm saying it's a good thing to do if you want to liven up your life. In my case, it came at a time when I needed something to shake me up a bit and make me think about who I am and what I do and what I want to do.
Anyway. I have to get up in the morning so I'm off to sleep. Feel free to leave me a comment, tell me what you think about drugs, tell me about your experiences, I'd like to know. Just please spare me the "I'm so disappointed in you, you're a terrible person, you should know better" speech. I've heard it, I've taken it in and I'm moving on.
I'm gunna write about this because it's a big thing that I would like to have a record of whilst I remember it well but if you're gunna read this please, please spare me the lecture because I know this isn't something to be proud of and I'm not writing this advocating anything. Trust me I've heard from friends already.